I understand what you're saying and have been on my own journey reclaiming myself through breathwork and somatic practices. One of these days I'll share them too.
"it's perfectly natural to grieve an older version of yourself."
that's the sentence that reframes the whole piece. not grieving him — grieving her. the girl who believed love was supposed to hurt. that's a very specific and very real kind of loss.
the correction structure throughout — the way you keep gently revising your own language mid-thought — that's doing something formally interesting. it reads like someone learning to tell the truth in real time.
I admire your courage to share this vulnerable story. It takes a lot to open up like this. Your words will surely help those going through similar things. Keep writing!
it’s crazy to me that those excuses we give ourselves are well-known quotes! they’re just so comforting it’s too easy to blindfold ourselves with them. this was so beautifully written.
Sharing your vulnerability – and giving your readers permission to share ours – is such a wonderful gift. Essays like this one remind me that my recent foray into writing about decades of major depression is a cathartic effort worth continuing, probably my most important path. Thanks again!
I never thought about this. Good question. After 10 years, my husband had disgust as he slandered me on the stand. Did he remember any love I gave him?
This was honest, powerful, and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing something so real and meaningful. Wishing you continued healing and success with your book.
Great post, enjoyed the read. I carry one with me since the 70s. It hurt me when I hurt her (not physically of course), I felt her heart in mine, but quickly forgot, being typical teen age American male in my late teens. I think of her, see her face, I've tried to actually find her but I only can remember her first name. I did some photography of her standing in old buildings, back in film days, but of course none of those exist that I can find. Yes, maybe there is a story there, it won't justify it, it will only comfort me, but it may come out eventually.
Ana, the most powerful part of this piece is the compassion you extend to the younger version of yourself who kept waiting for a conversation that never came. You name how a small trigger can carry an entire history: the unanswered questions, the imagined explanations, the old hope, and the grief of realizing you had to become your own anchor. What makes this meaningful is that you treat the trigger as a doorway into self-recognition rather than as evidence that you have gone backward. Grateful for the honesty in showing how healing can include disappointment, tenderness, and the courage to finally hand yourself the tissue no one else offered.
I agree the hypothesis overthinking stuff can be problematic for anybody. It’s often when you’re already feeling some kind of way about something that you haven’t talked about with a person where they are. The hazards of having started to feel away about a thing that you’re thinking without verifying it almost makes it impossible to have the rest of the talk with a person that is you know the one that you’re really wanting to know more From. definitely will speak on the fact that some people believed that once they’ve reached the point of having a you know, gone to a few hours of therapy and read a book or two you know they believe that they are sophisticated enough to call everything and what it is, then be right about it, including everything about their ex. It’s not always the case. There’s definitely a space to have a mature conversation that is informed that we can also inform each other in. I’d like to the idea of just normalizing educating people amongst people and if there’s something that you know betterI correct that’s great. I just don’t wanna get into where maybe I bring something up in a person feels insulted or you know picked out in someway that it’s not necessarily the intent. You still need a pretty mature person, but I get a little weary sometimes because we have to hedge our participation in these ongoing dialogues when we’re not necessarily always having all the words to address every single element.
I definitely agree that my experience might be somebody else’s medicine however I don’t give myself a license to talk about all things. If I if I need to talk to somebody that is the product of that diet dialogue that somehow left them out I’m gonna hope that that person is not speaking about me without having an understanding that is at least partly formulated from the kind of understanding you could get from a mature discussion down the road when they are able to emotionally regulate long enough to ask questions Or speak how they feel
I’m such an empath like I can’t even sit with the idea that I have been looked at like somehow we broke our heart when I can take responsibility for elements of that picture and also know that had I had the opportunity to connect with him like in a healthy situation where a person would be able to answer their own phone and not have it taken away from them by somebody that they had been getting down the roadway with I would like to think that I could’ve done something rectify the situation soon enough and I really am sad that it didn’t happen that way. But I’m not beyond the faith that they still can’t work out and I know that I have a lot of demands to place myself in the event that it was ever given a chance.
I understand what you're saying and have been on my own journey reclaiming myself through breathwork and somatic practices. One of these days I'll share them too.
Go for it! World needs your story
"it's perfectly natural to grieve an older version of yourself."
that's the sentence that reframes the whole piece. not grieving him — grieving her. the girl who believed love was supposed to hurt. that's a very specific and very real kind of loss.
the correction structure throughout — the way you keep gently revising your own language mid-thought — that's doing something formally interesting. it reads like someone learning to tell the truth in real time.
thank you for hanging the laundry out.
Thank you so so much, Noa!
Ana this is so honest and powerful
Thank you, Hina!
I admire your courage to share this vulnerable story. It takes a lot to open up like this. Your words will surely help those going through similar things. Keep writing!
Thank you so much ❤️
it’s crazy to me that those excuses we give ourselves are well-known quotes! they’re just so comforting it’s too easy to blindfold ourselves with them. this was so beautifully written.
You are so right! Thank you!❤️
“I once knew him with my soul”, hits hard. The excuses, the triggers, yeah. Heartbreak is a two-way street.
“Heartbreak is a two way street” I’m going to remember this one for the rest of my days! Thank you!
Sharing your vulnerability – and giving your readers permission to share ours – is such a wonderful gift. Essays like this one remind me that my recent foray into writing about decades of major depression is a cathartic effort worth continuing, probably my most important path. Thanks again!
Thank you so much!
I never thought about this. Good question. After 10 years, my husband had disgust as he slandered me on the stand. Did he remember any love I gave him?
I'm going through this now .
Keep going! Everything will be alright
This was honest, powerful, and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing something so real and meaningful. Wishing you continued healing and success with your book.
Thank you so so much ❤️
I really really love this.
Thank you, Imi❤️
I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing and I enjoy your writing. I could really relate to it.
Keep up the good work❤️
Thank you❤️
Great post, enjoyed the read. I carry one with me since the 70s. It hurt me when I hurt her (not physically of course), I felt her heart in mine, but quickly forgot, being typical teen age American male in my late teens. I think of her, see her face, I've tried to actually find her but I only can remember her first name. I did some photography of her standing in old buildings, back in film days, but of course none of those exist that I can find. Yes, maybe there is a story there, it won't justify it, it will only comfort me, but it may come out eventually.
Ana, the most powerful part of this piece is the compassion you extend to the younger version of yourself who kept waiting for a conversation that never came. You name how a small trigger can carry an entire history: the unanswered questions, the imagined explanations, the old hope, and the grief of realizing you had to become your own anchor. What makes this meaningful is that you treat the trigger as a doorway into self-recognition rather than as evidence that you have gone backward. Grateful for the honesty in showing how healing can include disappointment, tenderness, and the courage to finally hand yourself the tissue no one else offered.
I agree the hypothesis overthinking stuff can be problematic for anybody. It’s often when you’re already feeling some kind of way about something that you haven’t talked about with a person where they are. The hazards of having started to feel away about a thing that you’re thinking without verifying it almost makes it impossible to have the rest of the talk with a person that is you know the one that you’re really wanting to know more From. definitely will speak on the fact that some people believed that once they’ve reached the point of having a you know, gone to a few hours of therapy and read a book or two you know they believe that they are sophisticated enough to call everything and what it is, then be right about it, including everything about their ex. It’s not always the case. There’s definitely a space to have a mature conversation that is informed that we can also inform each other in. I’d like to the idea of just normalizing educating people amongst people and if there’s something that you know betterI correct that’s great. I just don’t wanna get into where maybe I bring something up in a person feels insulted or you know picked out in someway that it’s not necessarily the intent. You still need a pretty mature person, but I get a little weary sometimes because we have to hedge our participation in these ongoing dialogues when we’re not necessarily always having all the words to address every single element.
I definitely agree that my experience might be somebody else’s medicine however I don’t give myself a license to talk about all things. If I if I need to talk to somebody that is the product of that diet dialogue that somehow left them out I’m gonna hope that that person is not speaking about me without having an understanding that is at least partly formulated from the kind of understanding you could get from a mature discussion down the road when they are able to emotionally regulate long enough to ask questions Or speak how they feel
I’m such an empath like I can’t even sit with the idea that I have been looked at like somehow we broke our heart when I can take responsibility for elements of that picture and also know that had I had the opportunity to connect with him like in a healthy situation where a person would be able to answer their own phone and not have it taken away from them by somebody that they had been getting down the roadway with I would like to think that I could’ve done something rectify the situation soon enough and I really am sad that it didn’t happen that way. But I’m not beyond the faith that they still can’t work out and I know that I have a lot of demands to place myself in the event that it was ever given a chance.